How Sweet the Sound

I'll admit it: every now and then I enjoy listening to a little old-school DC Talk. Sometimes I need my early-90s fix, and "Luv is a Verb" is as good a way as any to get it. So when I was looking through the music Clark put on the iPod we recently purchased and I saw the song "Jesus Freak," I couldn't resist. I stuck the earbuds in my ears, ready for the music to take me back to the days when the album was new and I owned it.

Strangely, though, it didn't take me back. Instead, the first verse caught my attention because it reminds me of something I have thought about a lot lately. The song begins with, "Separated, I've cut myself clean from a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams. Been apprehended by a spiritual force and a grace that replaced all the me I divorced."

While my past is certainly not as ugly as it could have been, it is still often something I'm not proud of. Sometimes when memories come back I cannot believe that I actually did those things. It is at this point that I would really like to say, "And now I'm doing just fine; I used to be a terrible person but now I'm great!" But if I'm really being honest with myself, I have to admit that I still struggle with some of the same issues. Pride, jealousy, judging others, selfishness, lust, anger. The truth is, although I absolutely believe I have come a long way from being the person I was in the past, I am still a long way from being much of anything on my own. I can honestly say I haven't done a thing to deserve being loved by God. I mean, he's perfect in every way-- and I can't get through a day without screwing up in one way or another.

And yet, somehow, he loves me anyway. He knows I'm not perfect and I never will be, yet he wants a relationship with me-- so much so that he, the innocent and perfect party here, made the sacrifice that makes that relationship possible. He knew I couldn't measure up on my own; he knew none of us could. For me, the past doesn't always exist merely in dreams; I still struggle today. And I sometimes still have an affair with the me I divorced. But when God looks at me he doesn't freak out and become disgusted with my failure and my ugly humanity; he has offered forgiveness and love. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.