Life is Beautiful

This afternoon we were able to hear our baby's perfect heartbeat. Isn't life amazing?

Why Don't People Like Church?

As kind of a follow-up to my last post, today I’m going to tackle a question that most churches have probably asked, and that I know our church has been asking: Why don’t people like church? LifePoint in particular is interested in the answer to this question because we want to be a church “for people who don’t like church,” but that can be incredibly difficult to do unless we know why, exactly, people don’t like church. And this can be particularly challenging because we all may come up with different answers to this question. I think that a lot of times our own personal beliefs about why people don’t like church are colored by own experiences with church as well as the experiences of our family members, friends, and acquaintances. So the reasons that I see may be completely different from the reasons you see—and yet all our reasons are probably true for at least some people.

Obviously my perspective is limited; there is just no way for one person to sit down and come up with every possible reason that people don’t like church. So I encourage you to share your thoughts on the subject as well; my hope is that if enough of us with different experiences and perspectives contribute to the conversation, we may all be able to walk away with a more complete understanding. And if we have a better understanding, we may have a better chance of being a church for people who don’t like church. That being said, here are three of the reasons I think people don’t like church.

1. Churches often create expectations, sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken, that in order to really belong there you have to look/dress/act/talk/think a certain way. It can come across as though what’s on the outside has to be cleaned up or changed or hidden in order to fit some standard, when actually what is important is accepting people as they are, loving them, and letting God work on what’s inside. And not just what’s inside of other people, but what’s inside of us as well.

2. Some people don’t like the service itself—although I will be the first to say that this is relative, since what works for one person may be torture to another. There are a lot of ways the structure of a service can actually put up barriers. Some people aren’t comfortable with feeling like they have to stand up and sing. Others hate to be called out as first-time visitors. Some find your typical service to be impersonal, while others would be scared away by something more personal and intimate. Sometimes the service is set up in such a way that the church can feel more like a place for all the “good Christians” to get together and hang out and not have to be around all those “wordly” people for a few hours; obviously this can cause people to put up walls pretty quickly. Some people can’t stand how cliché it all seems…“Turn to the person next to you and say, ‘God loves you!’” or “Somebody say amen!” or (my personal least favorite) “Let’s all give the Lord a handclap of praise!”

3. They’ve been hurt. Somewhere along the way, they’ve been wounded by another Christian’s words or actions—so much so that they have been turned off by church altogether. Maybe there is something in their life that they’re struggling with and they’ve been negatively labeled and shunned because of it. Maybe they have been gossiped about. Maybe they have simply come to church again and again and no one has ever even bothered to get to know them. And they’ve finally walked away from it all hurt and angry, and feeling like Christians don’t really care about other people like they say they do.

So what do you think? In your experience, why don't people like church?

We Know Our Mission- But How Should We Carry it Out?

Recently a few of us from church met to talk about church-related things, and I’ve been thinking ever since about something that came up briefly. I’m going to try to articulate some thoughts that I have been having for quite some time now but have never really sat down and put them all together. Please know that I am not directing my thoughts at anyone specifically; these are general thoughts to everyone involved in church- any church, not just LifePoint- as well as things that I have to remind myself of from time to time.

The specific topic that we were discussing is not important here, so I won’t go into detail about that. However, the underlying issue that came up is one that, no doubt, many if not all churches have faced or will face at some point—and that is, put simply, how to best reach the people we are trying to reach.

In the Christian church in general, we know that our mission is to reach people in our communities, our countries, and our world, to tell them about God and to show them his love. At LifePoint specifically, the mission we are trying to fulfill is to reach people who are far from God. We refer to our church as a “church for people who don’t like church.” Why? Because we know there are a lot of people out there who don’t like church for various, and very understandable reasons. And at LifePoint, we feel strongly led to reach people who have been hurt, and who are at all kinds of different points in their relationship with God. We want to break down the barriers that are often encountered in churches and help people take their next step, whatever that may be. That is our mission.

The struggle comes when we realize that we each may have a very different idea of how to carry out that mission. We may have an idea that some think will be very effective in reaching people, while others think it will have a negative effect and turn people off. Sometimes we want to try new things but we do not know whether we will take another step toward breaking down the barriers or whether we may end up creating new barriers for some people. It is a tricky thing, that’s for sure. We know our mission, and we are so committed to carrying it out, but sometimes figuring out how to best carry it out is a challenge. And I believe it’s a challenge that needs to be acknowledged and talked about.

Here are my thoughts. No matter what we do—the structure of our service, where we meet, the style of music, community outreach, relationship building, small groups—there is always going to be the possibility that it will be both a success and a failure. What? I mean that just about anything at all, done with the sincere desire to carry out our mission, may really reach some people and help them take that next step, while that very same thing may just not work for other people. There is not a surefire, foolproof way for one church to reach everyone who doesn’t like church or who is trying to take their next step toward God. Why? Because people are so very different. No one is exactly alike. On any given Sunday, we will have people from all kinds of church and non-church backgrounds, who have had all kinds of different experiences (both positive and negative), and who have different desires, fears, expectations, needs, worries, and preferences. A certain style of music or service structure may be exactly what helps one person and may be extremely uncomfortable for another.

So what do we do? We sincerely want to reach people, but then we see that no matter what we do, we will reach some people and not others. And that is a hard reality to face, because really, even though we know it’s not possible, we would love to be able to make a difference in the lives of everyone we meet. How, then, do we choose the ways in which to carry out our mission? It becomes even more tricky because, just as everyone who walks in the door is going to be different, we are also all very different; we, too, all have different backgrounds, experiences, desires, fears, expectations, needs, worries, and preferences. And we all have different, very strong, feelings about what will effectively reach people and what will not- and sometimes it is hard to remember to look at things from each other's perspective and see that we all have valid reasons for our feelings that should be taken into account.

So here is what I think, and it's something I've had to learn over the past year and something I still have to remind myself of at times: I don’t think we should get too caught up on what we each individually would like, and we can’t get too focused on figuring out the best way to reach every single person out there. If we get stuck on either of those issues, we will have a hard time getting anywhere and a hard time effectively reaching anyone. This is going to sound like a pat answer, but I truly believe it: we have to prayerfully figure out where we think God is leading us as a church. There may be some unique things that he wants us to do in order to reach the people he wants us to reach; there may be things he wants us to do that would never work for another church, and there may be things he wants another church to do that would never work for us. And undoubtedly, no matter where he leads us, some of us may be very excited about the "how" while others may be less than thrilled. I may think something sounds great while someone else may think it’s a terrible idea, or vice versa. In the end, though, I hope we always remember to go where God leads us, whatever route that may be. Because underneath all our struggles to figure out the best method, we all agree that the most important part is following God to fulfill the mission he has given us. And if all churches are following God wherever he leads them, the Christian church as a whole will be able to effectively reach all kinds of different people.

Things I Never Understood About Church, Part 5: Symbols

So here’s a new one for you, and you probably weren’t expecting this. Especially if you’ve labeled me as emergent, since a lot of emergent folks seem to be all about having symbols in church. But honestly, it doesn’t do anything for me.

As a matter of fact, symbols in general don’t do much for me. Take the American flag, for example. For a lot of people, seeing the red, white, and blue flag with its stars and stripes waving against the background of a clear blue sky unleashes all sorts of emotions—pride, respect, gratitude, patriotism. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all! However, I am not likely to feel those emotions when I see a symbol; I feel them when I hear stories that relay the message behind the flag—stories of people dying for a cause they believed in, fighting for freedom, and taking risks to give others a better life. But the flag itself, it’s a piece of colored fabric. For some reason, symbols just do not evoke a strong emotion in me—but the stories do.

Now that you think I am entirely un-American (I’m really not), it’s time to think that I’m also un-Christian (again, I’m not). Seeing a cross displayed in church doesn’t do anything for me. I know for some people, the symbolism of a cross is deeply meaningful. They see it and remember God’s love for them, Jesus’ sacrifice, and their need for a savior. It evokes strong emotions, and that is awesome. But to me, for some reason, the symbol of the cross doesn’t make me feel those emotions. It’s a couple pieces of wood. It was a means of execution, like the guillotine or the electric chair. But I feel a strong surge of emotions when I hear the stories that tell the message of the cross; when I read about Jesus, the purpose of his life, death, and resurrection, and the things he said and did, that is when I feel the emotions that the cross may evoke in many others. The symbol of the cross doesn’t do it—but the stories do.

So in conclusion, I am neither un-American nor un-Christian. ;) I just don’t “get” symbolism the way I “get” the message. I suppose that for some unknown reason I only see what they actually are (the flag is a piece of fabric, the cross is a couple pieces of wood, etc.) instead of seeing them as a representation of the stories. I can connect the symbol to the message in my mind, but emotionally the two are separate. I don't think there's anything wrong with symbols, and it’s great that they can be so meaningful to many people. But for me, my emotions are stirred when I hear the stories. The message of the cross is awesome and amazing, and it means everything to me.

Tell me the story of Jesus,
Write on my heart every word;
Tell me the story most precious,
Sweetest that ever was heard.

Things I Never Understood About Church, Part 4: Church Marketing

Maybe it’s just me, but when I hear the term church marketing, I think of something insincere and slick. I think of used car salesmen with phony smiles or carefully crafted commercials encouraging you to spend your money on a product. And while that works pretty well if you’re trying to sell something, I have a hard time with the concept of “selling” the church.

The part of me that always wants to look for the best in people tells me that, more than likely, most people who engage in “church marketing” do not mean to come across like a slick car salesman or a manipulative television commercial. What they really mean to do is spread the word about God and about their church. They want people to know that God loves them, and they want people to find a place where they feel comfortable learning about God. So they put up signs and posters, they get some commercials on the radio or TV, they make some t-shirts, they leave tracts at the restaurant, they go door-to-door, they put together a website, they send out mass mailings.

And all of those things do get the church’s name (and hopefully, their message) out there. Sometimes after seeing a few posters around town, someone wearing a t-shirt, and a website, some people get curious and decide to check it out.

But I think there can, and should, be a lot more to spreading the message of God’s love than just those things. Because those things, on their own, can have the unwanted effect of turning people off—“Look, it’s just another church, putting up more posters/making new commercials/whatever. Whatever.” We forget that people are so accustomed to constant marketing that they may not be able to see our sincere intentions behind the oh-so-familiar marketing strategies. Where we see love and the desire to reach people, others may just see another slick salesman trying to get them to buy something they don’t want and may not think they need.

So what can we do? We can build relationships. In one way, that sounds so simple; in others, it’s more complicated than sending out mass mailings or wearing a shirt—because those things are often “hands-off” ways of getting the message out, and what I’m proposing is very much hands-on. We get connected with local outreach ministries and begin working, face-to-face, with people in need (physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually). We go outside our comfort zone and get to know all kinds of people in our communities—really know them. We work to make a real difference, in big ways and small ways. And we do it all because we are doing what Jesus told us to do—love God and love people. We aren’t doing it because we’re trying to get people in the doors, we aren’t doing it so more people know our names; we’re doing it because of our love. And when loving people with everything in us is our focus, rather than trying to get more people to come to church, I think we will find that more people end up wanting to check out the church because they have experienced the message firsthand in their daily lives.

Things I Never Understood About Church, Part 3: Children’s Church

Okay, by this point I have probably briefly offended or confused just about everyone out there. Planning ahead, full-time pastors, now children’s church? But stick with me for a minute.

When I was a kid, our church had Sunday school classes before the service started, based on age groups. Newborn to 5, 6-8, 9-12, 13-18, adults. The teachers of the kids’ Sunday school classes taught each week’s lesson in a way that was understandable to the children in their particular age group. And then, once Sunday school was over, everyone went to the service, kids and adults alike. The whole family was together in church, singing together, hearing the same message together.

So naturally, my first reaction to the idea of children’s church, where the kids spend the entire service segregated from the adults was not positive. And I’ll be honest—sometimes I still struggle with this concept. Please don’t throw things at me. ;)

On one hand, there is the need to teach children about God in a way that they will understand. When you’re teaching a child about anything else—how to read, for example—you don’t just toss a piece of classic literature at them; you start with the basics. Letters and their sounds, putting the sounds together, reading small words, reading age-appropriate books. Eventually they will be ready for Dostoevsky, but not yet. The same is true for teaching them about God; start in a way that they will understand, and work your way up from there.

But on the other hand, there is the importance of a family being together in church to worship God. I don’t think that’s something that should be overlooked, and that is where my struggle comes in. I want my kids to learn about God in age-appropriate ways so they will understand—but I also want them to be around adults who are worshipping and learning about God. I think it’s a valuable experience for a family to be together in church.

How do we find a good balance between the two? I don’t know. I think the best way I have seen this handled so far was in a church we attended for a while a couple years ago. Everyone, adults and children, whole families, stayed together for worship. Then the pastor called the children up to the front, where they sat with him and he talked to them for just a few minutes; he always shared the theme of that day’s sermon in a way that children could relate to. Then the children went to their age-based classes for the remainder of the service, while the adults stayed for the “grown-up” version of the sermon. That, to me, is a good balance of family worship and age-appropriate teaching/learning.

I think it’s a good thing to have children’s church, because we do want the kids in our churches to learn about God in ways that make sense to them. But I don’t think it is necessary to completely sacrifice having the whole family together. As with everything else I have written about so far in this series, I think it can be taken too far in either direction (complete segregation of children and adults vs no age-appropriate teaching for children at all). I think balance is the key.