Christmas Letter

This year I've been the recipient of a few Christmas letters from various people in my life. Essentially, the purpose of the Christmas letter is to update everyone on what has been happening in your life over the past year, things like marriages, jobs, travels, etc. But as I read through the letters I received, I realized I would have nothing major to write about if I decided to send Christmas letters. We just celebrated our 6 year anniversary. We still have one child, with no plans to have any more. We took a one-week vacation to the beach with my family over the summer. Clark still has the same job and I'm still staying home with Elijah.

But we are content, despite the lack of major changes or events in our lives over the past year. No, we don't have exciting news to share. No, we don't have a lot of extra money. No, we don't get out of town often. No, we don't have a lot of new stuff. But our family is doing well. The bills are paid, we have plenty of food, we have a home to live in and cars to drive. We have everything we need and some of the things we want. We've made the conscious decision to simplify our lives by having less, purchasing less, focusing on what is really important, and doing more for others. We love each other. We have family and friends that we enjoy spending time with. Life isn't always perfect, and it isn't always easy, but we are blessed and we are happy.

So those are my thoughts when I consider our lives over the past year. Not in letter form, but in blog form because it saves on paper and postage. ;) Merry Christmas, everyone. I love you guys. <3

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Tonight several people from church were sitting around the Wards’ kitchen table discussing the idea of using secular songs in church services. There are so many songs I hear on my favorite rock stations every day that really speak to me. I don’t always know what the artist’s intentions were, but certain lyrics speak to me regardless.

A song I’ve heard a lot lately and really love is “Breathe In, Breathe Out” by Mat Kearney. I don’t know the real meaning behind the song, but whenever I hear it, I hear a conversation between someone and God. I’m going to type the lyrics out here, in script form, to show you what I mean.

God: Breathe in, breathe out. Tell me all of your doubts. Everybody bleeds this way, just the same. Breathe in, breathe out. Move on and break down. If everyone goes away, I will stay.

Other Person: We push and pull, and I fall down sometimes. But I’m not letting go; you hold the other line. ‘Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes.

God: Hold on, hold tight, if I’m out of your sight and everything keeps moving on, moving on. Hold on, hold tight, make it through another night; in every day there comes a song with the dawn.

Other Person: We push and pull, and I fall down sometimes. But I’m not letting go; you hold the other line. ‘Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes.

God: Breathe in and breathe out… Breathe in and breathe out… Look left, look right, to the moon and the night—

Other Person: Everything under the stars is in your arms. ‘Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes.

This song just says so much to me. When I hear it, I feel like God is telling me, “Hey, I know things are rough sometimes. I know you have doubts. Take a deep breath, a few if you have to, and look at me. Tell me all about it; yell and cry if you need to-- I'm here. I’m here even when everything seems crazy and confusing, even when you feel like you can’t see me anywhere. Things are going to get better. Look around you, and you’ll see me.”

And the lines I’ve attributed to the person having the conversation with God sound a lot like I do sometimes. “There are times when I want to go one direction and you want me to go another, and there are times when I just fall flat on my face. But even when life is a struggle, I’m not turning away and I know you’re holding onto me. You’re in control and I can trust you. When everything else is bleak, I look to you and see light.”

While I love the whole song, there are a couple lines in particular that are especially significant to me in my own struggles. "If everyone goes away, I will stay" reminds me that no matter how rough things get, no matter how much pain I am in, even if there is no one else for me to lean on, God will stay. He's not running from me. He's there and he loves me, unconditionally. The other line is, "Look left, look right, to the moon and the night. Everything under the stars is in your arms." It feels like the first part is God saying "Look around you," and the last part is the realization I have when I do-- that it's all in his arms.

Superficial Intimacy

Recently I was watching a service from Granger Community Church, and the message was about loneliness. This particular part caught my attention:

"Sharing our innermost thoughts, our fears, the true things about us, our dreams, our hopes, with someone we know is harder for us than it is to share a bed with someone we don't know. We have more fear of the vulnerability of spiritual nakedness and psychological nakedness than we do of getting naked in front of another human being. Adam and Eve, maybe they wore a fig leaf to cover their private parts, but I've noticed we are so lousy at intimacy because we take that fig leaf and hide our minds, our faces, our souls, our hearts. You will never break away from loneliness and find intimacy until you're ready to take that fig leaf off of the real part of you."

Wow. This struck a chord. It is hard for me to make myself vulnerable, to share my thoughts, fears, dreams, hopes-- to share my real self-- with the people I know. And while I do not engage in physical intimacy with people I don't know, I can see how very easy it would be to choose superficial intimacy over real intimacy. I can choose to be superficially intimate with the people around me, letting them in just to the point where it is safe and comfortable for me and keeping the real parts of me closed off tightly. Or I can let people in, let them see who I really am, let them know my dreams and fears-- but that involves a risk, the risk of not being accepted, the risk of being rejected, the risk of being disliked. It's not safe, and it's not comfortable.

And this, I think, is the heart of why I struggle sometimes socially. I want to get to know people, and I want them to get to know me, but then I get scared. What if I take off the fig leaf and find that what's under it isn't good enough? If I am superficially intimate and am rejected, then at least I know that the rejected parts were shallow; but if I am naked, vulnerable, and raw, then the core of who I am is up for rejection.

Of course it can be turned around the other way. The essential elements of who I am could be loved and accepted, leading to true intimacy and relationship. And that possibility makes it worth the risk of rejection. As terrifying as it can be to remove that fig leaf, it is the only way to possibly obtain true intimacy with others. If I don't ever take the risk, I will never give my true self the opportunity to be known and loved.

If you're interested in checking out the message that inspired this post, it can be found at http://www.gccwired.com/ on the bottom right of the page; there is a link to a video that says "Watch last week's service: All the Lonely People."

Love doesn't have to be earned

Today I have been thinking a lot, because of something James said at church. He said that we always talk about not being ashamed of God-- but we rarely stop to think, "Is God ashamed of me? Is he proud of me?" He noticed this in Hebrews 11:16. About halfway through the verse it says, "Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God."

I'll admit, my gut reaction to that statement was a sick, panicky feeling deep inside. Even though I knew what James was saying (of course we want God to be proud of us!), what I was feeling was totally different. Why? Because in my personal experience, the word "ashamed" is a loaded one. It means more to me than embarassment or disappointment. My gut reaction when I hear that word is fear-- fear of rejection or withdrawal of love. "Proud" is also a loaded word for me, because in my mind it is associated with love and acceptance.

For some reason, I have always felt more loved by someone if they are proud of me, and rejected if they are disappointed or ashamed. And so, for as long as I can remember, I have tried to do all the right things-- not out of love, but out of a sense of guilt and fear. I know that there is nothing wrong with wanting to make a person (or God) proud, but it can be damaging indeed to equate that with love, and to equate disappointment with the withdrawal of love.

It took me a long, long time to wrap my mind around this fundamental fact-- even if I screw up and do everything wrong, even if I do things that disappoint God, he will not withdraw his love in any way. He still loves me just the same. I don't have to jump through hoops and do lots of stuff and do it all right in order for him to love me.

When I have that assurance of unconditional love, love that does not depend on my performance, I am then free to do things-- not out of guilt or fear that God will be ashamed and reject me, but out of love. My actions may be the same as they were when I was operating under fear, but the motivation and the underlying understanding of God is completely different. I can then strive to please God and make him proud because I love him, not because I'm trying to make sure he keeps loving me.

I can't say enough how huge of a realization this has been for me. Pride does not equal love. Shame does not equal rejection. I still struggle with this. I still find myself doing things because I want people to be proud and not disappointed, all because I'm equating this with love and acceptance. Again, I realize there is nothing wrong with wanting to make someone proud, or not wanting to disappoint them. The problem is when my sense of being loved and accepted relies on pleasing someone else.

God never meant for our relationship with him to be one of fear and guilt. He loves us unconditionally, even if we disappoint him. In my relationship with Elijah, I want him to know that I will love him just the same, whether he does something really well or messes something up. And I want him to know that when he messes up, I will not be there to heap feelings of disappointment or embarassment or shame upon him; I will not make him feel guilty or withdraw my love; I will be there to love him and help him move back in the right direction. Isn't it the same with God and us? Our actions may be pleasing or they may be disappointing, but regardless, we are still the objects of God's love and affection.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

We started a series at church last Sunday called Heroes. Over the next few weeks we're going to talk about how we can be heroes to the people in our lives, in our communities, in our country, and in our world.

Last week James stated that what's needed to be a hero is a burden. He then gave a few questions we can ask ourselves to discover our burden-- What breaks my heart? What makes me angry? What do I care about that others don't?

I've been thinking about those questions all week. There are a lot of things I care about, that I'm interested in, that I think are really important. But in the end there is one issue that stands out above all the others when I ask myself these questions.

It breaks my heart to know how many people in our world live in poverty while there are so many others who have much more of everything than they could ever need. It angers me that there are millions of people who have more money, food, clothing, possessions, and room in their homes than they and their families actually need, yet there are millions of others who don't have enough money to get by, who don't have a roof over their heads at all, who are starving, who don't have proper clothing.

Our lifestyles smack of selfishness and a kind of entitlement mentality. We buy and buy and buy, while others suffer, and we justify it by saying we're entitled to all our stuff, we worked for it. Basic things-- a place to live, food, clothing-- should be common to all people. Possessions are nice; we all like having the extras-- but do we have them at the expense of others? If we were willing to give up some of the extras in our lives and put that money to a better use, how many more people could be provided with the necessitites? Surely enough money exists in this world for all people to have the necessities if the money was used wisely, selflessly, and compassionately.

We take up room building houses that are too big for our families, with bedrooms that sit empty, closets and cupboards that are overflowing, and extra food thrown in the trash, while people in our own communities are homeless, starving, and don't have enough clothing. Even the products we buy, the companies that make them, and the stores we purchase them from often end up contributing to the suffering, exploitation, and mistreatment of people all over the world. When will we be willing to give up some of the extras, when will we be willing to stop buying certain products or shopping in certain stores in order to ease the suffering of other people? When will alleviating the poverty and suffering of others become more important than our own comfort and entertainment? Do we forget that other people are just as important as we are, that we are all equal in eyes of God, that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves? As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Let us treat men and women well: treat them as if they were real: perhaps they are."

I absolutely feel like there are not enough people in the world who care enough about this issue to actually sacrifice and do something about it. I am committed to finding ways to live simply, to cut out some of the extras, to stop supporting companies that exploit others. Will it be easy? No. But sometimes we have to choose between what is easy and what is right. I've chosen the easy way for a long time now, with increasing discomfort about doing so. But I can't do that anymore.

When looking at a problem this large, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed by it every time I think about it. I've put off making changes because of doubts-- how can little old me make a difference in the world? I'm just one person, after all. I can't do great things all by myself, can I? But I try to remember a couple of very wise things that Mother Teresa said:

"We can do no great things, only small things with great love."
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."

These quotes remind me that small things done with love make a great difference in the lives of others. I may not be able to feed or clothe or house a hundred people-- but if I can do any of those things for even one person it will make a difference in that person's life.

I want to share the Franciscan benediction James read on Sunday:

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.

God and Purple Trees

An example given at church on Sunday got me thinking about the subject of spirituality, specifically a common misconception about spirituality and the accuracy of our perceptions of God.

The example: When asked (by James, our pastor) about his relationship with God, a guy points at a tree.
"You see that tree?"
"Yeah."
"What color is it?"
"Um... brown."
"That's what you see. But when I look at that tree, I see purple. The point is, it's still the same tree, we just see different things."

The guy was basically saying, "Hey, I see God this way; you see him that way-- but it's all God. We're both looking at the same thing with two different but equally valid perceptions."

Hmm. To a point, I'm inclined to agree with the guy who sees a purple tree. I absolutely believe that every person perceives God differently. Your past, where you live, your culture, your beliefs, your circumstances-- all affect your perception of God. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that different people perceive God in different ways.

That doesn't, however, mean that God is all of these different perceptions. In other words, that doesn't mean every person's perception of God is accurate. I'd venture to say that, in fact, no one's perception of God is 100% accurate.

That, to me, is a key part of spirituality-- seeking to know who God really is. Sometimes along the way we will discover that some aspects of our perception are inaccurate, while others are accurate. If we are truly seeking God, our perceptions will change as we begin to know him more. We may not, during our lives, ever reach a totally and completely accurate view of God. In some ways, I think a complete understanding of God is beyond our abilities as humans-- because we are imperfect humans, while God is perfect.

I think it is a misconception to say, "I see God this way, and you see him that way, and both are absolutely correct." But I also think it's a misconception to say, "I see God this way, and you see him that way, but my way is the correct one and yours is wrong."

In the example of the tree, one perception is obviously correct (the tree is brown) while the other is not (the tree is purple). I don't think God is, pardon the pun, quite so black & white. Figuratively speaking again-- I may see God as purple, someone else may see him as brown, someone else may see him as red, still another yellow. But that doesn't necessarily mean he is any of these; each perception may be right in some ways and wrong in others. God remains God, regardless of how we perceive him, and we are able to reach a more accurate perception if we seek to know him more.

My thoughts about church

I don't like church.

This is a realization that has been coming for several years. The normal, modern-day way of doing church has grown more and more distasteful to me over time.

I don't like how it feels like almost everyone there is the "audience" instead of real participants. I very much prefer a comfortable, laid-back setting where everyone can participate and get to know each other.

I don't like the idea of "getting people to come to us" (in other words, get people to come to church on Sundays). While I absolutely want to reach out to people who have been hurt by Christians in the past, or people who are in a difficult situation, or people who are bitter toward the church, convincing those people to show up at church is not how I want to do it. It seems to me that if you are a person who has been hurt by Christians or if you're bitter toward the church, the last thing you're going to be receptive to is yet another Christian coming along and trying to talk you into coming to yet another church service at yet another church.

I really believe the best way of reaching people is to go to them-- not with the intention of trying to get them to come to your church on Sunday morning, not with the intention of "winning them to the Lord" (a cliche term that I don't much like), but with the intention of forming a real, honest relationship with them. Getting to know them, talking with them, eating with them, helping them when they're in need, building an authentic relationship, loving them without hesitation. That's what Jesus did, and that's what I want to do.

As far as believers meeting together, I'm all for it, but not in a traditional church setting. I love the idea of a house church, or something else equally laid-back like a coffee shop or a park. I love the idea of people getting together, eating dinner and catching up on each other's lives, then sitting down together to read the Bible, talk about how God has been working in their lives, share their struggles, pray together, worship together. Rather than one person standing up in front of the "audience" delivering a message, or a couple of people standing up to lead worship, I like the idea of everyone participating together. Sitting around a room together, sipping coffee or tea, talking about God and growing together.

And, very central to this vision, is the idea I talked about above, of going out into the community. Volunteering, giving of our time and love, building relationships with people who are struggling with various things, loving our neighbors as ourselves.

This, to me, is the ideal "church." It's not a concrete place, day, time. It's a way of living and loving, seeking to grow spiritually and build relationships with people who are hurting.

Living like Jesus meant the things he said

Sometimes a small but significant truth sneaks up on you and completely shifts your paradigm. It changes the way you see God, yourself, and your life.

This has happened to me recently. I've been reading the book The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I'm only about halfway through it, but it has really challenged me. For a long time I've been entertaining thoughts about why many Western Christians live such isolated lives bound up in consumerism and wealth. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed that obtaining more wealth and more stuff for yourself is not really the way Jesus encouraged people to live. Sure, we talk a good game about giving to people in need. We may even donate money to charities or items to the Salvation Army. It's even tax deductible, so we're helping others and ourselves. (Picture me rolling my eyes while I say that.)

But how often do most of us actually go out and intentionally place ourselves among the impoverished or homeless or suffering? Giving to charity is a great thing, of course, but it's also a very sterile, keep-your-hands-clean way of helping others. In the book I'm reading, Shane asks how it might change the world if Christians start living like Jesus actually meant the things he said. Instead of keeping ourselves as separated as we can from people who are in need, why not move out of our comfort zones and spend time among them, as Jesus did? If God incarnate chose to spend his time on earth living among the poor, sick, and suffering, why aren't God's followers doing the same? Somehow I don’t think merely living in the same world, state, or city as them is really what Jesus was talking about. He had relationships with people in need.

I am beginning to realize that in every human interaction I have, whether with family, friends, neighbors, or total strangers, there is something deeper going on. I can actually be used to show God's love to others. This isn't something I can do on my own, but God can use me. Being a Christian isn't just about eternal life, although that's a part of it. Simply "being" a Christian isn't a very fulfilling life, in my experience. But living out your faith by following Jesus' words... oh, it's challenging, it's uncomfortable, and it's not easy-- but it's good.

I want God to love others through me. I'm tired of being complacent. I'm tired of being your average American Christian. I'm tired of sitting inside these walls (literally and figuratively) instead of going out and actively loving my neighbor. As I've mentioned before, love is not just a cute little feeling you have for people-it's an action.

I pray that God will use me to touch others lives. I want God's love to be shown through me-- to Clark, to Elijah, to my family members, to my friends, to my neighbors, to people I meet at the store, to other people driving down the road (um, that one's going to be difficult for me), and definitely to the poor, homeless, hungry, and sick. "The least of these," Jesus called them. He did tell us that "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me," and he went on to add, "whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."

Please don't come by here and leave me a comment telling me that this is an interesting idea or a great idea. It wasn't my idea. In fact, even though I would (and do) recommend The Irresistible Revolution to anyone who's reading this post, it wasn't Shane's idea either. It was God's idea. And it's the way I want to start living my life. I can make all the changes I've been talking about in the past few posts, but if the intent behind it isn't to make myself better able to love others the way Jesus told me to, then even these changes are just a disguised form of selfishness-- making myself a better person so I'll feel better about myself.

When the ideal and reality don't match up

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that Lent is a lot more than just giving something up for 40 days. It’s a time to reconnect with God, to get your priorities back in order, and to work on being the person God wants you to be. Of course, this can be done at any time of the year, not just during Lent, but this year I learned about Lent at the same time that I was doing some serious thinking about things I need to change. What needs to change in my life for me to be the person God has called me to be?

For the past few weeks, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my priorities. If you ask most people to name their top priorities, they will probably say something along the lines of, “God, my family, my job,” and continue down the list from there. If you asked me about my priorities, I would be likely to say the same thing—but during my moments of pure honesty with myself, I realize that these are the things I know my priorities should be, but often they are not the things in which I actually invest the most time and energy. My ideal and reality don’t match up, and that is something that must change.

Step one for me is to identify the things that need to change. During prayer and reflection, I have thought of many areas in my life that could use some work. I feel that oftentimes I am selfish, thinking more about my own wants and needs than the wants and needs of those around me. Laziness has taken too prominent a place in my daily life, and I don’t accomplish things that need to be accomplished. Relationships need to change, and the problems of selfishness and laziness definitely contribute to the issues that need to change in my relationships—especially my relationships with Clark and Elijah. I’ve noticed that I spend too much time focusing on things that aren’t really important. A big one for me is wasting time online. While the internet is certainly not a bad thing in itself, it has begun to take up too much of my time, and the result is that I don’t spend enough of my time focusing on my family and my work as a stay-at-home mom. Also, as I wrote in my last post, I have not done nearly enough to help others who desperately need help, such as the poor, the hungry, the sick, and so on. And I need to take better care of the body I've been given; I need to put nutritious things in it rather than anything and everything I want.

When I read back over the paragraph I just wrote, one particular problem stands out to me—selfishness. I realize I could be more selfish than I am; the problem is that I could stand to be much less selfish than I am. I want to take the focus off of myself and put it on God and others. I don’t think I am unnecessarily imposing this concept on myself; focusing on God and others is a commandment that was emphasized by Jesus. This is the very topic that was addressed at the church service I went to this morning, and it came at a very relevant time for me. In Matthew 22, an expert in the law asked Jesus to tell him what the greatest commandment was. Jesus responded, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

And this brings me to the concept of love. What does it mean to love your neighbor as yourself? Does it mean to think kind thoughts about other people? Sure, but it’s more than that. Love is not a thought or a feeling; it is an action. Loving others involves doing something. It involves putting at least as much focus on them as you would put on yourself. Selfishness is focusing more on yourself than others. I want to focus at least as much on those around me as I do on myself, if not more. In practical terms, this is going to mean flipping my actual priorities upside down. The things I have been spending the most time on need to be moved to the bottom of the list to make room for the things that are truly important.

Next time I’m going to write about the process of realigning my priorities and establishing new priorities. What are my top priorities? What is important but not a top priority? And what is not really that important at all? What will realigning my priorities look like practically in daily life?

"Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

With only one more week until Lent begins, I’ve been preparing myself, mostly by thinking seriously about what I plan to do. The following passage from Isaiah 58 got me thinking…

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?”

This then led me to Matthew, where Jesus says:

Then the King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”
Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?
The King will reply, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

Part of my focus over the next several weeks will be to do just that, to treat the “least” the way Jesus described. I realize this is an attitude and action that should be carried out regularly, but it is something I need to start doing more often. I am very, very blessed. There is food in our cabinets and fridge, we have money in the bank, plenty of clothing, two cars, a house, and all sorts of frivolous things—books, electronics, toys for Elijah, and so on. While I do not feel that we are “owned” by our possessions, I also do not believe that we give nearly enough to those who are less fortunate. I can only speak for myself, but I know I don’t give enough of my time, enough of my energy, enough of my resources, or even enough of my prayers. And it seems obvious that God wants his children to do things like feed the hungry, clothe the poor, visit the sick.

Every now and then I may clean out the closets and take some of our old clothes to the Salvation Army. I know you’re probably thinking, “But that’s a good thing to do; you’re helping people.” Yes, I am. But the real issue that I am tackling is that of the heart—what were the intentions of my heart? Was it to help people in need, or was it to get rid of some stuff that was taking up room in my house? Honestly, it is almost always the latter. You may be thinking, “What’s the difference? Either way, you gave.” The difference is in me, not in the outcome. It’s easy to give away things that I don’t need or want anymore; it’s much more of a sacrifice to give something that I could use.

Remember the story of the widow in Mark 12? When people were giving their offerings, those who were rich gave large sums of money. Then an impoverished widow came along and gave her offering, which was not even worth a penny. The sum total of her offering may not have been much, but the spirit with which she gave caught Jesus’ attention, and he told his disciples, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

Now, I’m not suggesting that I will be giving away all my clothing, food, money, and possessions; I don’t believe that’s the point. The point is examining the reasons behind giving. Do I give because I need to get rid of excess? Do I give to show off what I can afford to get rid of? Those things would fall into the category of giving out of my wealth. However, if I give food, clothing, money, or even time that I really could use elsewhere, I am giving for the right reasons. Yes, it’s more of a sacrifice, but I feel that it is also much more meaningful—and much more along the lines of the kind of giving spirit that God desires.

So that will be one focus over the next few weeks—giving to others in a way that pleases God. I do a lot of talk about the necessity of helping the poor, but how often do I act on it? Not enough—and even less do I act on it with the spirit that God intends.

So what does this mean in practical terms? It could mean giving of my time by volunteering at the homeless shelter. It could mean cooking a meal for someone who is hungry or sick. It could mean going through my closet, not to get rid of what I don’t want anymore, but to give items that others need during this cold time of the year. It could mean giving money that I could use elsewhere to a worthy cause or to someone who needs it. Whatever I do, it may make me feel less “comfortable.” It may not be the most convenient thing to do. But that’s okay; I want to take the focus off of my own comfort and convenience and instead focus on giving to those who are less comfortable than myself.

It's Time For A Change

Sometimes in your life there comes a time where, if you are really thinking about it, you realize that many things need to change. You could continue to do things the way you’re doing them, of course, but changing will lead to better relationships, both with the people you love and with God. Changing, as difficult a process as it may be, will bring you closer to being the person God really wants you to be.

I am at that point in my life.

Ever since the year began, I have seen again and again the patterns in my life that I need to change. I have realized that I’ve become a person I don’t want to be. No, I’m not a horrid, detestable person—but I am far from being the person I truly desire to be. My priorities are all out of whack; what I say are my priorities and the things I truly spend the most time and energy on are far from being the same. I’ve found that I have become somewhat lazy, preferring to spend much of my time sitting at the computer or sleeping rather than focusing on relationships and the things I actually need to do (such as keeping my house clean and organized, running errands, or exercising to keep myself healthy). I have become selfish, focusing more on myself and what I want rather than focusing on how I can give of myself to those around me.

For some time now, I’ve known that these things need to change.

Recently, I did an internet search to learn more about Lent, a season often thought of by non-Catholics as the 40 days out of the year where people have to give up something they enjoy. During my research, I learned that Lent is far more than that. Lent is a time to focus on coming to God with all your heart. It is a time to focus on realigning your priorities so that you are actually doing what is important to you instead of wasting time on things that don’t really matter. It is a time of focusing on relationships. It is a time of focusing on becoming the person you really need to be—the person God wants you to be. And it is a time of focusing on others rather than yourself, especially those who are less fortunate.

This year, Lent begins on February 21, and for the first time in my life, I will be participating. I am looking forward to those 40 days. I’m ready to start the process of becoming the person I need to be, and I’m excited to see what God wants for me during this time. Some people do choose to give up a specific thing during this time in order to focus even more on the purpose of Lent. I have a feeling that in realigning my priorities and making the necessary changes, I too will be giving up many things—or at least reducing them to a much less significant position in my life.

During Lent I will be posting here periodically to share my journey. If you are reading this, I ask that you pray for my spiritual growth during this time. These days are going to be challenging, but I feel the challenge is worth it. I am ready to focus on being the person God wants me to be.

Thoughts on Spanking

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