Reflecting on Lent

So Lent is over. It went by much more quickly than I thought it would, and now here I am on the other side of it, reflecting on the past 6 weeks. I assumed I would come out of Lent feeling refreshed- and in a way I did- but more than that, I feel like I have been humbled. I've been reminded of my own brokenness and God's grace.

I realized a lot of not very flattering things about myself, and I've admitted and faced head-on some of my struggles and weaknesses. And at some point over the past several weeks I realized that God doesn't want me to be constantly striving for perfection and hating myself for being unable to attain it, and he isn't disappointed in me. He knew all along that I, just like everyone else, am broken. He knows my struggles- how I have a tendency to care too much about what other people think, or compare myself to others, or become prideful, or stubbornly cling to independence, or want praise and recognition, or let myself be controlled by jealousy, fear, impatience, and laziness. He knows I am broken and am so very far from perfect. And he loves me.

For so long I've been looking at my weaknesses as something that I must get control over; I have felt this overwhelming sense of guilt and frustration for not being good enough and for failing at my own efforts to improve. And it's true that I need to work on these areas of weakness, but not out of guilt. I need to remember that God loves me just as I am and I need to look to look to him for help. At some point, in a moment of frustration and helplessness, I said, "Isn't there ANYTHING I can do on my own?" and I felt this whisper in my heart saying, "Yes- on your own you can screw it up." And that is so true. I have been trying to go it alone in so many areas of my life, instead of admitting my brokenness and asking for help from a God who loves me.

Who ever would have thought that recognizing my own brokenness would be so freeing? I feel like I've been freed from guilt, self-criticism, and a pursuit for perfection. I feel like I've been freed to be imperfect and to rely on God's grace. He's the one who is capable of changing me.