Fear and Uncertainty

This is an excerpt from a post I wrote a little over two years ago while reading Shane Claiborne's The Irresistible Revolution. These same thoughts have been on my mind again, so I thought I'd re-post them:

How often do most of us actually go out and intentionally place ourselves among the impoverished or homeless or suffering? Giving to charity is a great thing, of course, but it's also a very sterile, keep-your-hands-clean way of helping others. In the book I'm reading, Shane asks how it might change the world if Christians start living like Jesus actually meant the things he said. Instead of keeping ourselves as separated as we can from people who are in need, why not move out of our comfort zones and spend time among them, as Jesus did? If God incarnate chose to spend his time on earth living among the poor, sick, and suffering, why aren't God's followers doing the same? Somehow I don’t think merely living in the same world, state, or city as them is really what Jesus was talking about. He had relationships with people in need.

I must admit, two years later I am still struggling with this. I believe, as much as I did then, that forming actual relationships with people in need is critical. But I don't feel that I've made much progress in forming those relationships myself. I've been asking myself why this is, and I could give myself the excuse that I don't have much time that I am able to go out among people in need. That's true; I think it becomes more difficult with children in tow, even to volunteer. But while it's true, it is still an excuse; it's not the whole truth and I know it.

The biggest reason I struggle in this area is fear. I am afraid of unintentionally doing or saying something hurtful or offensive. I'm afraid of making people feel worse. I'm afraid of looking like I'm some privileged white girl taking on the poor as though they're a quaint little project.

And another very real reason: I just don't know how to start. I'm shy, I often feel awkward, I have a hard time speaking up and letting people get to know me. If I have a hard time initiating and forming relationships with people I am likely to encounter all the time, then how in the world am I going to initiate relationships with people that I do not encounter all the time? That is a serious question, not a rhetorical one. Truth be told, I don't know how to start. I'm pretty sure I can't just go into the lower income areas of town, knock on people's doors, and say, "I want to get to know you." That is a little strange.

It all comes down to this: I really, truly DO want to get to know people who are in need, to form relationships with them, to really get to know them. But I am paralyzed by my fear and uncertainty, and I don't know how to move past those things.