Learning to Say No

I am becoming more and more aware of a problem I have. I'm terrible at saying no. There are really two underlying issues at work here. One is that sometimes I don't even realize that I'm trying to do too much. This leads to me saying yes to too many things and then I realize I've over-committed myself and I become overwhelmed and stressed out. And the other is that sometimes I get overly concerned with thinking about other people and wanting to prevent them from becoming stressed or inconvenienced. This leads to me ignoring what I really want or what I said no to already because I guilt-trip myself and make myself believe that if I can do it, that means I should. Basically, I have a hard time saying no and an even harder time sticking with my no.

Of course, it can be a good thing to think about other people and their needs, or to go out of my way to assist someone else. But it's not appropriate or healthy to make those things a way of life to the point of ignoring my own needs and stress levels. But it is so very hard for me to say no when I can see that my no would inconvenience someone else while my yes would lighten their load. It can be very tricky indeed.

I'm currently at a point in my life where I am over-committed, stressed out, and not very happy about it. I have a lot on my plate right now. And I know that if I listed it all out, it might not sound like that much to some people. But there are two important things that I need to remember about myself:

One, I'm an introvert. Contrary to popular belief, introversion doesn't necessarily mean I'm shy or that I don't like people; introverts simply need time alone and away from people so they can recharge. Being around other people too much drains and stresses out an introvert. My introversion means that if I get involved in doing too many things that involve social interaction, I will get worn out and stressed very quickly and I will desperately need to step away from it all to recharge. If I ignore my need to be alone and recharge for too long, I will most definitely burn out and become extremely overwhelmed and irritable. Yep, I'm there.

And two, I'm in the third trimester of my pregnancy. For many women, the third trimester is a time where we naturally withdraw a bit and we feel the need to cut back on commitments, we want to stay at home or close to home, and we focus on getting our homes and our lives ready for a new little one. I'm there, too.

Unfortunately, at a time where I honestly need to be cutting back on activities and commitments and reducing my stress levels, I feel like I'm piling on more and more. And this goes back to what I mentioned at the very beginning: sometimes I unintentionally say yes to too much, and sometimes I guilt myself into believing that if I technically can do something then I should do it, even if I know I don't want to or that it'll be too much. I'm guilty of both, and now I've reached a point where I feel like I literally have nothing left to give; various commitments and other life stresses combined with my need to step back, relax, and prepare for this baby have put me in a very difficult place.

I need to learn how to say no. I need to learn that sometimes it's okay and even necessary to put my own needs and wishes first. I need to learn how to stick with it once I've said no. Somehow I need to find ways that I can cut back during the next two months, and to do this I need to let go of my worries about disappointing other people. And I'll need to remember this after the baby is born, too, or I will be setting myself and my newborn up for some really rough times.